This is one of the first times I’ve decided the topic and the name of the article before even writing it. I guess I felt very certain about the point of the discussion. This change might seem insignificant, but what I’m about to say did shift how I interact with the world.

Recently, my grandfather died. I wasn’t close with him, yet it was a very unpleasant situation, to say the least. Only the second funeral I’ve ever been to next to my mom’s last year. I can’t compare these two occasions emotionally, however, it still left me deep in retrospection. Ironically enough, just this week in school I had to dive deep into the topic of death. Questions like – what do I think is an unhealthy death and if I want to be buried? Also, what is death and what emotions does that arise in me?

I have a very distinct look on death.. The same day I found out about my grandfather, I went to regression therapy. Throughtout this process, I experienced death two times. I can’t say I was ever afraid of dying, but it still seemed like a distressing experience. Turns out, it’s not so horrific when you’re the one dying, it’s mostly upsetting for the people on the other side or the living.

However, what happens to you when you are still alive and feel the death’s pulse towering over you? I’ve been feeling this way lately. I couldn’t quite comprehend what I was feeling, therefore I asked the most trusted source for mental health advice – ChatGPT. The answers were quite revealing.. Mostly on the topic of identity transformation and grieving what’s been lost. While I don’t condone using AI for psychological purposes, I feel like this time it hit nail on the head.

Lately, I feel like shedding parts of my identity and building new patterns and mechanisms. Maybe it’s the death of people-pleasing and inauthenicity? Maybe I had burried parts of myself so deep withini this is, in fact, a renewal of a personality? Carl Gustav Jung, one of the founding fathers of psychology, would call this the “individuation process” which is about integrating the conscious and the subconscious parts of the psyche. It’s a fascinating and gradual process that begins in adolescence, when we start separating from our parents, and for some, continues throughout adulthood.

Last topic I wanted to tie together with this was the discussion of ego, because to be reborn means to offer yourself a different relationship with your ego. I was recently at a Hindu temple – a unique experience in itself. I met a man there who seemed to be rooted in his spiritual beliefs. He said that I can ask any questions. I couldn’t come up with any, therefore I just expressed my fascination with the culture here. Somehow we started talking and came to a point where he said, “You know, there’s no ego in the end, just love.” I was very sceptical of this and asked, “Can you really get rid if your ego?” This seemed to ruffle some feathers and he didn’t want to talk to me anymore.

Isn’t that a perfect example of living with your ego? That’s the truth – it’s always there, no matter what you claim. I believe you never get rid of it, but you can develop a relationship with it and co-exist in a healthy balance. I don’t think most parts of our psyche are bad; the rejection of them fuels the disease of being egocentric. The more you grow in synergy with your inner parts, the better life quality you’re going to have. In that moment, your shadow is not growing larger than life anymore, and you can make more conscious decisions.

Is it possible to always we aware and never act-out-of-character? Possibly not. But some triggers can be anticipated if we learn to recognize them. Understanding myself has become one of my favorite past time activities, I genuinely enjoy it. I’ve hear perspectives “what if I don’t like what I find?” To that I say – not every part of you is going to seem desireable – there’s envy, there’s vengence, there’s hatred that are not the most socially celebrated emotions, yet deeply human. We should strive to humanize ourselves, showing the same compassion toward our inner selves that we so easily give to others.

I knew what I wanted to say this time, though this took a divergent route as well. These are my beliefs. Take it with a grain of salt – find what resonates with you and leave the rest.